


maybe.

by dreamsofthedragonsfire



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, The end is fluffy i swear, dy is a sad bunny, its kinda heavy please be safe guys, really really sad, trigger warning, ty is a caring mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofthedragonsfire/pseuds/dreamsofthedragonsfire
Summary: doyoung is depressed and broken. taeyong witnesses the usually stable man break down in front of him, and tries his best to help.please check the tags, this fic contains lots of depressive thoughts and actions, panic attacks. please stay safe guys, i love you :)





	maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> as usual, english isn't my first language.
> 
> i hope you're all gonna like this.  
> it isn't edited, i'll do it as soon as i have time
> 
> 02/11/2019  
> This has finally been edited oops

empty.

 

that’s how he felt.

 

it’s been hours since he went to sleep, and the welcomed lethargy had yet to come.

 

he had been staring at his ceiling for a while now, listening to the quiet snores of his roomates.

 

he could feel his thoughts swirling inside, like snakes gliding against each other.

 

the voices were whispering, speaking, screaming at him.

 

he could feel a tear escape from his eye, but couldn’t muster the energy to wipe it away.

 

_oh, how he wished he could disappear for a day_

 

he didn’t want to die, no. he just simply didn’t really want to live, either.

 

he recalled how happy he used to be, smiles coming easily, a charming charisma, words stringed together coming out of his mouth in soft songs, whistling his latest discoveries.

 

another tear fell.

 

he could barely remember those moments.

 

his life was now monotone. not bad. not good. just unbearingly grey.

 

he felt like he was floating, not really living.

 

he could see people being happy beside him, smiles reflecting the sun.

 

he could hear how they were making plans without him right in front of his face. and while it hurted, he knew that he wasn’t good enough or interesting enough.

 

so here he was, hurting alone on his bed.

 

he wasn’t worthy enough, important enough to go bother and burden anyone.

 

sometimes he wished he was someone else.

 

someone people would want to spend time with. someone that people wanted to talk to. someone that was worried about when they were feeling bad.

 

deciding to get up, he stretched his legs and raised himself, walking slowly to the kitchen for a glass.

 

he knew if he didn’t stop sulking now, his mood would be affected all day and they would be annoyed at him for looking so gloomy.

 

he remembered. last time he didn’t cover up his feelings with a fake smile and fine attitude, he got chastised, getting told that him looking sad was putting off the others, that he should be happy if he wanted the others to be too.

 

it hurted, knowing if he was anyone else it would have been handled way differently, but he sucked it up.

 

reaching the kitchen, he started the coffee machine, sitting on one of the chairs of the kitchen table.

 

he watched outside, the deep black sky and dark buildings, the occasional car passing by.

 

doyoung always liked the night, how peaceful everything got.

 

how he could finally take a deep breath, because in the darkness everybody disappeared, in the darkness everybody became nothing but a simple shadow, he wasn’t the only one not being seen.

 

as the last drop of the caffeinated water dripped into his mug, he went and took it from the machine, before going to sit in the living room, where he could observe the city with more comfort.

 

he settled himself in the soft covers, remnants of one of his groupmates falling asleep yet again during movie nights, nights he didn’t take part in, not anymore.

 

he couldn’t help but say he was too tired from mcing, doing the occasional nct’s night night or even a particularly hard dance practice, only to lay in his bed completely awake, listening to his members having fun without him. they always had more fun when he was absent.

 

he could hear a door opening, but he coui#m!f register what it implicated, now too deep into his head to get out, the only thing attaching him to reality being the burning heat being held between his two slender hands.

 

as tears were falling down his skin, escaping from his eyes like hurried waterfalls, a man was standing outside of his room, watching him, watching the way his eyes were glassed over, the way his shoulders were bunched up, how his curve was spinned.

 

doyoung was the epitome of sadness, and taeyong couldn’t help but feel powerless as the usually quiet but stable man was falling apart right in front of him.

 

he knew doyoung wasn’t feeling really great these days, eyes converging anywhere to not look at anyone in the eyes. he had been worried, of course he was. but he didn’t know how to approach the younger. they weren’t as close as they used to be, and he cared enough about the man to let him speak to someone he was more comfortable with on his own terms, not wanting to pressure him into anything.

 

but the man was deteriorating, already skinny frame seeming more fragile day by day, his posture caving him on himself bits by bits, eyes losing their will to live.

 

it had been hard to see, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how much **he** had hurted.

 

this is why he took his courage into his two hands and advanced towards the bunny-like man, contourning the couch to place himself in the broken men’s field of view, only to notice how he didn’t even react, how he didn’t even seem to see him.

 

he cupped the man’s slim face between his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears softly, and that seemed to bring out the boy of his trance-like state, eyes going wide and body jerking backward, hot coffee spilling on the naked skin of his forearm.

 

he couldn’t let himself be seen as weak. he couldn’t let them know just how much of a failure he was, how much of a burden he could become.

 

he could feel his breathing slowly getting erratic, and yet he couldn’t do anything about it except telling himself how he was such a messed up person, getting this worked up over a simple touch.

 

he could hear jumbled words trying to get to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually spend energy in trying to understand what they meant, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

 

suddenly, a hand was in his hair, his body held by a small body. too gone, he let himself be comforted by the skinship he so desperately craved.

 

murmurs of ‘‘shh, you’ll be okay’’ and ‘‘i’m here with you, you’re gonna be alright’’ were finally reaching doyoung’s mind, even strokes on his head helping him to even out his breathing, if only slightly. at least, he wasn’t feeling as if he was going to die any seconds from now.

 

he relaxed into his leader’s arm, the fatigue coming from his panic attack overwhelming him.

 

he didn’t want to, knowing he was making himself too comfortable in the leader’s arms, but the lithe boy always made him feel secure, whether it was meant to or not.

he couldn’t fight against sleep, going straight into Morpheus’ arms as he heard taeyong’s voice murmure tenderly against the top of his head : ‘‘we’re gonna talk about his later, and we’re gonna help you be happy again, because we all care about you. don’t worry, bunny. we love you’’

 

he could feel hope. maybe he’d be able to fight for his happiness. maybe.    

**Author's Note:**

> Please feed my need of validation by leaving kudos and comments. I love you all, please take of yourself, my inbox is always open for you lovely people <3


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